Taking the punches

[whiskeyGirl]

the darkness is slowly filling in around me,
and I'm tired of fighting back.
The cold is eating away at my flesh,
yet theres nowhere to run to-to stop the pain.
the tiny patch of light is unreachable,
I've given in to the end.
Running seems futile,
and the darkness continues to close in.

[girlonfire]

i wish you werent so pessimistic
i sure SOMETHING makes you happy...and that IS reachable light, right?

[whiskeyGirl]

If I ever have something to be optimistic about then maybe I'll write about it, but I don't think thats gonna happen any time soon!

[Isis]

Originally Posted by whiskeyGirl

If I ever have something to be optimistic about then maybe I'll write about it, but I don't think thats gonna happen any time soon!

I got a couple of things to say. One is about your philosiphy, one is about your poem. Poem goes first.

As a poem, I'm relieved that this has some imagary, but it is imagary that's overused in poems like this. I know you're writing about your own feelings, but I also know that you can come up with some interesting, original stuff: you just need to apply it to the way you feel. As is, this is very abstract. Where are you, if you can't run anywhere? What's in the darkness? Is it the "darkness of my soul" that's a kind general description for anything less than sunny in people...or is it what's really frightening about the darkness, the fear of the unknown? You know: when you're walking downstairs in the dark and you have an unholy need to pee, and you're thinking about stuff, and then you get spooked by all the stuff you can't see and have to run the rest of the way to the bathroom. Personally, I'd like to see a poem about that: it reflects a lot of the uncertainty that people feel, but also where fear comes from...things, places, ideas that we don't understand. Mostly, when you know a thing, its not as scary. There are few exceptions.

I have more questions. What is the pain and what's causing it? What kind of pain? Is it a bodily pain, or is it some kind of emotional pain, both? Physical and emotional are often linked - it feels like that in real life, and it's scientific, so you could consider working with that...that your mental ailments have taken root somewhere else, like a rattle in your lungs. Show, don't tell. You're telling me about the pain, the darkness, etc....but it's all rather general. If you gave it more specifics, if you showed what was happening, why, then the reader could understand and empathize - even if they don't feel the same way themselves.

Now, I don't mean for this to be mean, or personal. It's not. I just think you've got a lot to say, and you could say it very poetically with more teaching...I'm not the person who can teach you all the way, but I can - hopefully - get you started. You can ignore me if you want, if you just keep writing therapy poems because they help you --- but if you want to do something that's more artistic, for yourself or for public enjoyment, then I'm around.



...now, as for no optimism, what's so bad? You live in a world of billions of people, millions of artists, thousands of years of history. the world is HUGE. There is never a lack of things to do in it, things to discover...art to enjoy, to listen to, books to escape in, to MAKE. Think about how much people have discovered and created so far. That's nothing. People are tiny within this world and our world is tiny in a universe that we are just starting to understand...but doesn't it sometimes seem so big? You can drive for days and weeks and maybe months and not reach the end of the world. There's never a lack of things to explore. New things are created all the time: art, music. people form opinions and groups, beautiful places are made and lost, and no two things are the same. Even when life would seem trivial and my own petty problems overwhelming, art is more so. You think you're sad? listen to gypsy music. That's the sadness that scrapes the core of the earth, and then the dance to eradicate it. Art is made by people, but it's bigger than any of us. It's something to be a part of, no matter what.

[girlonfire]

thats so beautiful
i agree isis

[whiskeyGirl]

Well......The pain is both. I have this disease that could very well meancancer, I'm on a LOT of pain killers but they aren't working. Plus My Boyfriend of Five years just bolted with my best friend with whom hed been sleeping with for 2 months. Optimism isn't exactly my strong suit right now, but damn it I will try harder.