Untouchable Sleep

[whiskeyGirl]

Its a far off notion that
seems to evade my grasp,
driving me over the edge.
I try time and again to catch hold,
but it slinks into the darkness of night.
Tired of the pursuit,
I lay in maddening silence.
Alone once more,
I sink slowly into the void.
Losing myself all over again,
I chance to return to the hunt.

Let me no, Is it any good?

[girlonfire]

i like the last line, the first time i read it it seemed an odd word to put there, hunt, but for whatever reason i like the lasting atmosphere

[whiskeyGirl]

Thank you yet again, i really wasnt too sure about this one.

[Isis]

Short and sweet; I liked it, but you could develop some of these ideas a little more. The title tells us a lot, so you can be pretty metaphorical throughout, and don't have to be literal

ts a far off notion that
seems to evade my grasp,
driving me over the edge. what edge?
I try time and again to catch hold,
but it slinks into the darkness of night. I like this line. Like it's a cat. I'd pursue that metaphor a little more.
Tired of the pursuit,
I lay in maddening silence.
Alone once more,
I sink slowly into the void.
Losing myself all over again, this line is kind of lacking in sparkle. You can bridge the gap between the void and the animal/hunt idea, here, with a similar metaphor or image.
I chance to return to the hunt. and I like this ending a lot. very well worded too.

and I'm off to read more of your poems ^^

[whiskeyGirl]

Thanks for your input Isis!!! As always you no what to look for, I'll see what I can do....