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|10-17-2006, 10:33 PM
Sammy- last part
I walked back to that country store, borrowed their phone and called the cops.
I still donít know why I did that. I just kept seeing Sammy's pain in his eyes, and I couldnít take it. I still can't. That look he gave me when he realized what I'd done, when I'd realized what I'd done, man that about killed me. He looked at me like a stranger, like he didnít know me. He looked at me like I had just stabbed him with a dagger, which I basically had.
Sammy went to court and I had to testify. He never looked at me once, not once while we were in that court room. That hurt, the person I cared about most, the person I ever had or probably ever would care about hated me.
Sammy was charged with murder and sentenced to prison. I tried seeing him once, put they wouldnít let me. He refused for one, and also he had stopped doing things, he would do anything, he would just sit wherever he was suppose to and did nothing. They talked about letting him out early for good behavior.
When he does get out, he still won't want to see me, and I understand why. I let him down, the only person he counted on let him down.
I donít know what it feels like to hate the person you love the most, but I know Sammy does. He hates me now, it's my fault he's locked up in that horrible place, sentenced for life to prison, by the only person that cared about him. If someone else would have turned him in, he might just be okay. But I turned him and heíll never be okay. I ruined his life forever.
But I finally understand why. If I wouldnít have turned him in, he would have gotten worse than he was now. I still regret it, but if I had another chance, I'd probably do the same thing over again, not because I hated him, I didnít, but because I cared. I cared enough to help him. I know he doesnít see that now, but maybe just maybe he will, but probably not.
People say I've changed so much since I got back from hiding out with Sam, but I havenít changed. Not one bit. I havenít changed at all. I grew up. When people tell me that I just smile to myself.
People say I've changed so much, but the truth is, I grew up.