TeenLit Community Forums  

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Go Back   TeenLit Community Forums > Writing > Miscellanous Drafts for Feedback
User Name
Register FAQ Guidelines Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 08-20-2006, 08:00 AM   #3
TeenLit Newbie
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 2
Default 2nd attempt

how is this:

The threat
One hundred years ago the Incubi, who fought for gold and their lust for blood, declared war on one of their last remaining enemies; the Draman. Although the Draman’s kingdom was not big and their legions limited, their knowledge of peace and the light made them a strong nation and with the help of their holy warriors ‘the disciples’ drove the incubi back to their own borders where, to this day, there is an impassable stalemate.
Deep within the valley of Elnoth the thirty disciples were surrounded, outnumbered, the ranks of incubi warriors could be seen all over the hills surrounding the valley. Ebus; king of the incubi people thought to himself, how well his agent had done when he lured the disciples into this valley, Ebus let himself smile as he watched the disciples which had defeated his legions and foiled his plans so many times in the past, prepare to meet their doom. But to Ebus, who had studied the disciples for years and had killed many. Did not know the disciples did not regard this ambush as a threat! As the first wave of incubi charged them, Sither the head of the disciples summoned his overwhelming holy strength and swinging his legendary hammer: archimondre, smashed the first line of incubi! Sensing the mans power they did not meet him with their swords, but called an archer who strung his bow and released an arrow straight at Sither, Raven, the archer of the disciples saw the arrow and with his lifetime of training, calculated and fired his own arrow deflecting the incubi arrow inches before it hit his master, Sither simply nodded his thanks, he had seen raven do better. As the battle progressed more and more incubi were slain without any sign of the disciples lacking in strength.
Ebus could not believe what he was witnessing as the last ranks of incubi began to climb the piles of bodies to get to the disciples.
“Unreal?” Ebus muttered as the last of his incubi were slain by the disciples.
“General!” Ebus yelled! A scrawny snivelling man appeared escorted by two of the templars: the templars were once disciples, but were lured by the power of dark magic, worshiping gods of pain and suffering and performing the darkest of magic’s to torture their enemies.
“Yes sir?” Whimpered the general.
“Explain why your one thousand strong legion could not simply kill thirty bishops?”
“Sir I’m am sorry they are to strong…” The general chocked and he began gagging on something stuck in his throat. Ebus did not stop the Templars torturing the man. After minutes of the suffering the general vomited buckets of black vomit and died. The templar’s released their curse and imprisoned his mind turning him into yet another of the templars undead army!
“The disciples are not strong; they will soon join the templars ranks!” Whispered the templars
maya129 is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:00 AM.

Powered by vBulletin Version 3.6.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.