Emily

LeAnn · 07-27-2005, 04:54 PM

I only have 70 pages right now, its not even closed to completely finnished and this is just a rough draft, i havent even gone back to fix stuff yet. But i think that it will make a pretty good stroy once im through.

Thanks for the tips! Really Appreciated!

Vennila X Vana · 08-06-2005, 05:40 PM

I think you need to break out of cliches. Say what really happened not what you 've already read. If you want people to remember this you have to give us something fresh and new. If that's the beginning of your novel, it's not pulling me in. You're not leaving me wanting more. She was raped, it's a really bad situation, but it happens to a lot of girls and it's a very delicate subject, do it justice.

**JEM** · 08-17-2005, 05:59 PM

Good preview of the book to come. Is the book about Emily's recovery from this experiance?

I think that you not going into tons of detail was good. It makes the reader curious and it makes them want to read on.

I can't wait to see the rest of the book.

Imrahil1234 · 09-15-2005, 09:19 PM

I don't really think you need to get into more graphic detail either, just maybe thoughts she was having, and maybe what was going on before, like how she got into the woods at night in the first place.

Maddie · 09-19-2005, 08:14 PM

Where's Emily's voice throughout this horrible event? It sounds like some sort of sadistic sports commentor. You haven't added enough details and originality to make us truely care about the situation which, in turn makes the reader feel guilty for not sympathizing more about your character's situation. This is not to say make the situation worse, the reader is clear about the horror of the situation, but rather to make us care about Emily. Why should we care enough about her to keep reading when rape and murder is plastered all over our media? If this sounds harsh or crude, I apologize - my comments are meant to highlight the story not downplay the gravity and tradgedy of rape.
Maddie

08-06-2005, 05:40 PM	#2
Vennila X Vana Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 285	I think you need to break out of cliches. Say what really happened not what you 've already read. If you want people to remember this you have to give us something fresh and new. If that's the beginning of your novel, it's not pulling me in. You're not leaving me wanting more. She was raped, it's a really bad situation, but it happens to a lot of girls and it's a very delicate subject, do it justice. __________________ Sugar, Your Bunny [It's the cure to getting older]

09-15-2005, 09:19 PM	#4
Imrahil1234 Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 124	I don't really think you need to get into more graphic detail either, just maybe thoughts she was having, and maybe what was going on before, like how she got into the woods at night in the first place. __________________ I know you'll come back someday On a bed of nails awake I'm praying that you don't burn out Or fade away You're falling back to me The star that I can't see I know you're out there Somewhere out there You're falling out of reach Defying gravity I know you're out there Somewhere out there -Our Lady Peace

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Email this Page	Search this Thread: Advanced Search
Display Modes
Switch to Linear Mode Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

07-27-2005, 04:54 PM	#1
LeAnn TeenLit Newbie Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 7	I only have 70 pages right now, its not even closed to completely finnished and this is just a rough draft, i havent even gone back to fix stuff yet. But i think that it will make a pretty good stroy once im through. Thanks for the tips! Really Appreciated!

08-17-2005, 05:59 PM	#3
JEM Administrator Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 425	Good preview of the book to come. Is the book about Emily's recovery from this experiance? I think that you not going into tons of detail was good. It makes the reader curious and it makes them want to read on. I can't wait to see the rest of the book.

09-19-2005, 08:14 PM	#5
Maddie Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 101	Where's Emily's voice throughout this horrible event? It sounds like some sort of sadistic sports commentor. You haven't added enough details and originality to make us truely care about the situation which, in turn makes the reader feel guilty for not sympathizing more about your character's situation. This is not to say make the situation worse, the reader is clear about the horror of the situation, but rather to make us care about Emily. Why should we care enough about her to keep reading when rape and murder is plastered all over our media? If this sounds harsh or crude, I apologize - my comments are meant to highlight the story not downplay the gravity and tradgedy of rape. Maddie