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Old 07-27-2005, 04:54 PM   #1
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I only have 70 pages right now, its not even closed to completely finnished and this is just a rough draft, i havent even gone back to fix stuff yet. But i think that it will make a pretty good stroy once im through.

Thanks for the tips! Really Appreciated!
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Old 08-06-2005, 05:40 PM   #2
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I think you need to break out of cliches. Say what really happened not what you 've already read. If you want people to remember this you have to give us something fresh and new. If that's the beginning of your novel, it's not pulling me in. You're not leaving me wanting more. She was raped, it's a really bad situation, but it happens to a lot of girls and it's a very delicate subject, do it justice.
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Old 08-17-2005, 05:59 PM   #3
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Good preview of the book to come. Is the book about Emily's recovery from this experiance?

I think that you not going into tons of detail was good. It makes the reader curious and it makes them want to read on.

I can't wait to see the rest of the book.
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Old 09-15-2005, 09:19 PM   #4
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I don't really think you need to get into more graphic detail either, just maybe thoughts she was having, and maybe what was going on before, like how she got into the woods at night in the first place.
I know you'll come back someday
On a bed of nails awake
I'm praying that you don't burn out
Or fade away

You're falling back to me
The star that I can't see
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there

You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
-Our Lady Peace
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Old 09-19-2005, 08:14 PM   #5
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Where's Emily's voice throughout this horrible event? It sounds like some sort of sadistic sports commentor. You haven't added enough details and originality to make us truely care about the situation which, in turn makes the reader feel guilty for not sympathizing more about your character's situation. This is not to say make the situation worse, the reader is clear about the horror of the situation, but rather to make us care about Emily. Why should we care enough about her to keep reading when rape and murder is plastered all over our media? If this sounds harsh or crude, I apologize - my comments are meant to highlight the story not downplay the gravity and tradgedy of rape.
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