getting things done around here

Isis · 05-02-2006, 09:34 PM

The continents were made by dripping brine
and slapping down dough, plowed
by hands and baked
under an irregular sun --

something rare in my kitchen,
where we make tea and paper and
messes, sometimes all three.
Portfolio night is a party:
stay up, surrounded
by old shirt-canvas art.
Maybe they don't notice
in winning bread, but around book-stack
battlement I'm entrenched,
oil apples and sketched anatomy
battering 'round my head, reminders
that she hasn't painted
in sixteen damn years.

Table polished in the frenzy,
I map my worlds across it
in the morning.
There's much digging to be done
before the salt- of-my-earth
wells up,

but I grasp in anyway, afraid
to stop and never return.

girlonfire · 05-03-2006, 08:52 AM

the imagary is confusing me, but i like it because of that so i suppose its cool

Ameerah8 · 05-05-2006, 01:31 PM

I like it just because. The imagary is kind of confusing. like you switch around the settings, first you talking about bread (or so i think), then a party and so on. But like she said, i suppose thats why i like it. It's a good poem. the last stanza was my fave.
"but I grasp in anyway, afraid
to stop and never return."

lol, Isis, I dare you to write something bad.

Isis · 05-05-2006, 05:16 PM

heh, I write plenty of crap, I just end up scrapping most of it...

Still, since I wrote this, I'm not quite sure how its confusing. It seems to me like the whole poem is in the kitchen, and it makes sense that way...but...uh...I can't tell ^^;; were there particular lines/phrases that really threw you off? was it just the "party"?

[I'm glad you liked the ending though!]

Ameerah8 · 05-07-2006, 08:00 PM

yeah, the part where they're at the party, painting, and then you talk about digging...in this part

"There's much digging to be done
before the salt- of-my-earth
wells up,"

like, i don't get how that fits in the poem. please enlighten me.

Isis · 05-07-2006, 08:23 PM

Maybe editing that stanza to this:

Quote:

Table polished in the frenzy,
I map my worlds across it
in the morning
with paper-pile landmarks,
crumpled and tea-stained.
There's much digging to be done
before the salt-of-my-earth
wells up,

does that make it more clear?

05-02-2006, 09:34 PM	#1
Isis Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 276	getting things done around here The continents were made by dripping brine and slapping down dough, plowed by hands and baked under an irregular sun -- something rare in my kitchen, where we make tea and paper and messes, sometimes all three. Portfolio night is a party: stay up, surrounded by old shirt-canvas art. Maybe they don't notice in winning bread, but around book-stack battlement I'm entrenched, oil apples and sketched anatomy battering 'round my head, reminders that she hasn't painted in sixteen damn years. Table polished in the frenzy, I map my worlds across it in the morning. There's much digging to be done before the salt- of-my-earth wells up, but I grasp in anyway, afraid to stop and never return. __________________ http://www.intunemonthly.com/forums Please click above and help me make a living! Come chat about music at InTune. You want to. You know you do. Cheers!

05-03-2006, 08:52 AM	#2
girlonfire TeenLit Regular Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 72	? the imagary is confusing me, but i like it because of that so i suppose its cool __________________ I'm like an atom, So small you can not see me, Insignificant? Try and split me, And i'm not so little anymore...

05-05-2006, 01:31 PM	#3
Ameerah8 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 214	I like it just because. The imagary is kind of confusing. like you switch around the settings, first you talking about bread (or so i think), then a party and so on. But like she said, i suppose thats why i like it. It's a good poem. the last stanza was my fave. "but I grasp in anyway, afraid to stop and never return." lol, Isis, I *dare* you to write something bad. __________________ Birds of a feather flock together, And so will pigs and swine; Rats and mice can have their choice And so will I have mine. Last edited by Ameerah8 : 05-05-2006 at 01:32 PM.

05-05-2006, 05:16 PM	#4
Isis Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 276	heh, I write plenty of crap, I just end up scrapping most of it... Still, since I wrote this, I'm not quite sure how its confusing. It seems to me like the whole poem is in the kitchen, and it makes sense that way...but...uh...I can't tell ^^;; were there particular lines/phrases that really threw you off? was it just the "party"? [I'm glad you liked the ending though!] __________________ http://www.intunemonthly.com/forums Please click above and help me make a living! Come chat about music at InTune. You want to. You know you do. Cheers!

05-07-2006, 08:00 PM	#5
Ameerah8 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 214	yeah, the part where they're at the party, painting, and then you talk about digging...in this part "There's much digging to be done before the salt- of-my-earth wells up," like, i don't get how that fits in the poem. please enlighten me. __________________ Birds of a feather flock together, And so will pigs and swine; Rats and mice can have their choice And so will I have mine.

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