bare with me

girlonfire · 04-03-2006, 03:52 PM

its gonna sound so dum coz i don't know how to just write a poem and get people to review it, i'm soo stumped, so i'm just gonna put it here and pray some1 will notic it and review it for me,

This is...
Agonising,
Crucifiction of my soul,
This crazed corruption,
Born of obsession,
Crucify my soul,
A nail for silence
A nail for greed,
One more,
A nail for pure spite,
Oh jesus,
Take it away,
Take away the shrapnel,
Crucify my soul,
Why not?
But i'll come back to haunt you,
And ghosts-can't-die...

~swissmochafudge~ · 04-04-2006, 09:52 AM

Hey...hey take it easy, girl! If you simply post your poetry without all the begging and pleading and death wishes above them they might have a bigger chance of being reviewed. Just....calm down! You sound like a nervous wreck, are you ok? Anyway...is that the poem? The "agonising, crucifying" thing? Or is it part of the above rant..I wasn't sure. Anyway, if it is, its not bad, it lacks imagery and plot, and could use some freshining up but it deffinitely is not BAD. I'm glad its not some pathetic angsty poem either, that sucks. Keep writing.

04-03-2006, 03:52 PM	#1
girlonfire TeenLit Regular Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 72	bare with me its gonna sound so dum coz i don't know how to just write a poem and get people to review it, i'm soo stumped, so i'm just gonna put it here and pray some1 will notic it and review it for me, This is... Agonising, Crucifiction of my soul, This crazed corruption, Born of obsession, Crucify my soul, A nail for silence A nail for greed, One more, A nail for pure spite, Oh jesus, Take it away, Take away the shrapnel, Crucify my soul, Why not? But i'll come back to haunt you, And ghosts-can't-die...

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04-04-2006, 09:52 AM	#2
~swissmochafudge~ Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 156	Hey...hey take it easy, girl! If you simply post your poetry without all the begging and pleading and death wishes above them they might have a bigger chance of being reviewed. Just....calm down! You sound like a nervous wreck, are you ok? Anyway...is that the poem? The "agonising, crucifying" thing? Or is it part of the above rant..I wasn't sure. Anyway, if it is, its not bad, it lacks imagery and plot, and could use some freshining up but it deffinitely is not BAD. I'm glad its not some pathetic angsty poem either, that sucks. Keep writing.