what to change??!

daz3026 · 01-09-2006, 08:44 PM

Hey everyone. I just wrote a new poem.. but idont know if you would call it a poem but i was wondering if you could help me think of a title and some things i could change.
When you read it you might have to read it several times because its a confusing poem.!! good luck lol

tittle???

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesturday
Yesturday is the future of the past of tommorow
Tommorow is tomorrow
Tomorow holds the future
Time to start over.

so its very short..so may not be a poem!! wut is it then??? and idead or advice???
bye!

Oblivion · 01-11-2006, 06:59 AM

why not have tomorrow as the title

Isis · 01-11-2006, 06:31 PM

But that's boring! And blasphemous! Titles are important, and can throw a work in a different light than without, or can make a statement. Besides, you should name your own children.
That said, this is more like a saying - a pretty good one, but still a saying. I think that you should try talking about tomarrow more figuratively if you want to do so in more poetry.

Oblivion · 01-12-2006, 05:43 PM

this may sound stupid, but wat do you mean by "name your own children"

Isis · 01-12-2006, 06:28 PM

It does sound stupid.

Name your own children = title your own works.
You create it, you name it.

JustStella · 02-17-2006, 02:19 PM

As far as what it is?? Ummmm....it can still be considered a poem...just a shorter one...
and a title??
um...how about..."Tomorrow: Start Over"?
just a thought

luv2smile13212 · 03-10-2006, 07:48 AM

personally i like the poem.... it is short but because it is so different and some what difficult it's better that this is short... it makes tomorrow seem more important.

I also beleive the title is important... but they're right... you need to name it. It's your peice of art and it's yours to create a title that suits.

tomorrow is a little too boring... plus its common to title poems after a word in the poem...

Cierra · 03-24-2006, 07:41 PM

i like this poem it's short and concise yet it makes your brain go "Whoa! Wait up... huh?" The part about yesterday makes my head hurt because it makes sense but then i can't quite figure out why it makes sense.
Great job!

dare2dream319 · 03-27-2006, 06:09 PM

I like your poem because it is short but it makes you think. After reading over it a couple of times I really liked it. It makes sense and I do think that it is a poem.

dare2dream319 · 03-27-2006, 06:10 PM

I think a good title could be anything you think belongs to your poem.. but you should think of it. Good writing!

01-09-2006, 08:44 PM	#1
daz3026 TeenLit Regular Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 44	what to change??! Hey everyone. I just wrote a new poem.. but idont know if you would call it a poem but i was wondering if you could help me think of a title and some things i could change. When you read it you might have to read it several times because its a confusing poem.!! good luck lol tittle??? Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesturday Yesturday is the future of the past of tommorow Tommorow is tomorrow Tomorow holds the future Time to start over. so its very short..so may not be a poem!! wut is it then??? and idead or advice??? bye! __________________ •\|--Daz--\|• Last edited by daz3026 : 01-09-2006 at 08:46 PM.

01-11-2006, 06:59 AM	#2
Oblivion Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 184	why not have tomorrow as the title __________________ Never be afraid to do something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the titanic. What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail. Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.

01-11-2006, 06:31 PM	#3
Isis Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 276	But that's boring! And blasphemous! Titles are important, and can throw a work in a different light than without, or can make a statement. Besides, you should name your own children. That said, this is more like a saying - a pretty good one, but still a saying. I think that you should try talking about tomarrow more figuratively if you want to do so in more poetry. __________________ http://www.intunemonthly.com/forums Please click above and help me make a living! Come chat about music at InTune. You want to. You know you do. Cheers!

01-12-2006, 05:43 PM	#4
Oblivion Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 184	this may sound stupid, but wat do you mean by "name your own children" __________________ Never be afraid to do something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the titanic. What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail. Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.

01-12-2006, 06:28 PM	#5
Isis Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 276	It does sound stupid. Name your own children = title your own works. You create it, you name it. __________________ http://www.intunemonthly.com/forums Please click above and help me make a living! Come chat about music at InTune. You want to. You know you do. Cheers!

02-17-2006, 02:19 PM	#6
JustStella TeenLit Newbie Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 21	As far as what it is?? Ummmm....it can still be considered a poem...just a shorter one... and a title?? um...how about..."Tomorrow: Start Over"? just a thought __________________ Stella Zara I stared death in the eye, said the note from yesterday And as I sat and wondered, The boy with the green eyes winked at me

03-10-2006, 07:48 AM	#7
luv2smile13212 TeenLit Regular Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 42	personally i like the poem.... it is short but because it is so different and some what difficult it's better that this is short... it makes tomorrow seem more important. I also beleive the title is important... but they're right... you need to name it. It's your peice of art and it's yours to create a title that suits. tomorrow is a little too boring... plus its common to title poems after a word in the poem...

03-24-2006, 07:41 PM	#8
Cierra TeenLit Newbie Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19	i like this poem it's short and concise yet it makes your brain go "Whoa! Wait up... huh?" The part about yesterday makes my head hurt because it makes sense but then i can't quite figure out why it makes sense. Great job!

03-27-2006, 06:09 PM	#9
dare2dream319 TeenLit Newbie Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 25	I like your poem because it is short but it makes you think. After reading over it a couple of times I really liked it. It makes sense and I do think that it is a poem.

03-27-2006, 06:10 PM	#10
dare2dream319 TeenLit Newbie Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 25	I think a good title could be anything you think belongs to your poem.. but you should think of it. Good writing!

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