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View Poll Results: Is this poem good?
Love it 0 0%
Hate it 0 0%
Its ok 0 0%
Needs work!!!! 2 100.00%
Voters: 2. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 01-08-2006, 02:03 PM   #1
Chicken Warrior
TeenLit Regular
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 40

I like the idea, but too many of the words seem kind of forced. Try looking in a thesaurus and/or rhyming dictionary and I'm sure you could eliminate a lot of akward words/phrases.

You might want to drag out the last line into two lines like so:

We can all have a place to call heaven.
We can all have a place to call home.

But I really love the last three lines as well as the last line of the first stanza.

You definetly need to work out some rhyming and phrasing flaws but your poem as good potential, and some really great lines.
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