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Old 09-18-2005, 06:02 PM   #11
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 101

I agree with the comments on imagery - the images you evoke are specific and original, all necessary of a good poem. I would reconsider the elements of narrative writing, since you are not writing a narrative but rather a poem. Basically, unnecessary words such as "like, then, when" etc. should be eliminated. Poetry is about essence. Your reader should interpret your poem not have the meaning handed to them.
Good luck and good ideas,
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