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Search: Posts Made By: 2le
Forum: Poetry For Review 10-27-2005, 07:47 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 1,151
Posted By 2le
Life sounds a little empty in the first line, it...

Life sounds a little empty in the first line, it just seems like everyone is relating everything to life. It's starting to sound a little monotonous. Try specifying to something else.
"beating your...
Forum: Poetry For Review 10-27-2005, 07:40 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 736
Posted By 2le
I usually don't rhyme at all but I was trying...

I usually don't rhyme at all but I was trying myself at this pattern. Freestyle is my specialty but I decided that I would like to rhyme this time for fun.
With society i had row. The definition...
Forum: Poetry For Review 10-23-2005, 12:43 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 736
Posted By 2le
bored at school

If tomorrow I should die,
Then I would like the world today to know,
The conformist I defy;
With society i had row.

If tomorrow I should die
And the world, in crusted bloom;
Misery wept and gaiety...
Forum: Poetry For Review 10-23-2005, 12:40 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,120
Posted By 2le
i dislike the rib cage part as well. the...

i dislike the rib cage part as well.
the contradtition - contradiction?
comeback -- do you mean "come back" or a comeback? kind of confusing
shotgon -- shotgun
when I was dropped on my head
and...
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