View Full Version : Small Town Girl

04-10-2006, 07:19 PM
Doomed to cause pain
Forced to see the light
I'm nothing but another fat chick
Hanging behind those blue eyed models
Yeah, perhaps I'm insane
But everything's crazy cool
From my point of view
But those flat chested models
Sure have got something that I don't...
Another struggle to find myself
Behind morals of agony
Founded through power
Don't you forget those models, y'hear?
Lies above dreams about yourself
A fight to be heard
Visible in tooth and nail
All of those seers
Were just full of crap

[LEFT]I once heard that story
About the small town girl
Turned big, but in the long run
She forgot where she came from
And who she was...

04-11-2006, 05:09 PM
i like the way you put it together it was good. i esp. like the last verse it was prolly my fav.

04-13-2006, 05:42 PM
Hm. You only need to make the point about the models once. Stanzas 2, 3, and 4 are kind of repetative and unspecific. You say "morals of agony", but what are they, exactly? If you're not going to say it right out [and maybe insinuation is best] then at least give a description of the troubles they cause. and you can come up with a more vicious and vindictive condemnation of those seers than "full of crap". Yes, they were wrong, but what did their wrongness cause?

the end is good. Very good. I like it, the wording and enjambment and everything. you could go back to the 'small town' idea; because in a small town, everyone knows you. they all know when you're trying to be something you're not.