(Lacking a name)

Unwilling · 12-04-2005, 12:41 PM

Alright, so I had a dream a few nights ago; and what is happening in the poem is one of the few events that I remember. I'm not that great at poems, but this is one of the few places where I go to present my poetry to the world. Please, it's a rather short one, so it will not take long - just be blunt and all that honest crud - I trust your criticisms.

Your bare face
prying my tongue from the gums
(once taxed for restraint)
eroding the interjectors
rapid anticipation
- I was only missing my nose
when you left

Oblivion · 12-09-2005, 04:49 PM

i dont get what your dream means

Unwilling · 12-09-2005, 05:37 PM

Thanks, your review means a lot to me; it will definitely ascribe for my advancement for poetry. Do you not like it? Or does it just sound too abstract Oblivion? How do you think I should edit it make it better?

Imrahil1234 · 12-10-2005, 09:40 PM

I think dreams are too weird for anyone else to really understand, good job putting into words though. Im thinking dentist?, something along those lines.

Unwilling · 12-11-2005, 05:11 PM

well, this is a poem, not a riddle. It's fine it no one "gets it". That means that I'll have to re-do this one some time. Which was what I was doing anyway.

Vennila X Vana · 12-11-2005, 10:44 PM

Mm, I like the language and the subtle images and I think it's quite nice, but no one is going to "get it" per se, and if you ask me, that's not really a bad thing.

Great Job, I don't compliment that often.

girlonfire · 05-02-2006, 08:55 AM

oh....let me help you with that ( u sed u needed a phsycologist thingy to work it out)

its kinda bait...you wanna good snog soon and fast with sum 1 who isnt doing it for a secret bet

daz3026 · 01-07-2006, 10:41 PM

Hey!!! well im new to TeenLit and this was the first thing i read

.. i dont really understand ur poem/dream.. though im only 13 so yea.. but idk in my opinion dreams..are sumtimes really ahrd for other people to understand. but thats just me. i bet some other ppl got ur poem.!!!!
alrite well byez!

Unwilling · 01-07-2006, 10:44 PM

Well, welcome to TeenLit. However, as something that tries to emanulate a poem; it fails. I'd have to consult an expert surrealist or psychologist to get the dream right.

daz3026 · 01-08-2006, 04:05 PM

Good point... dreams are hard to get just right.. but also... i think only the person who has the dream can really find the meaning.

12-04-2005, 12:41 PM	#1
Unwilling TeenLit Regular Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 67	(Lacking a name) Alright, so I had a dream a few nights ago; and what is happening in the poem is one of the few events that I remember. I'm not that great at poems, but this is one of the few places where I go to present my poetry to the world. Please, it's a rather short one, so it will not take long - just be blunt and all that honest crud - I trust your criticisms. Your bare face prying my tongue from the gums (once taxed for restraint) eroding the interjectors rapid anticipation - I was only missing my nose when you left

12-09-2005, 04:49 PM	#2
Oblivion Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 184	i dont get what your dream means __________________ Never be afraid to do something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the titanic. What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail. Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.

12-09-2005, 05:37 PM	#3
Unwilling TeenLit Regular Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 67	Thanks, your review means a lot to me; it will definitely ascribe for my advancement for poetry. Do you not like it? Or does it just sound too abstract Oblivion? How do you think I should edit it make it better? Last edited by Unwilling : 12-09-2005 at 05:42 PM.

12-10-2005, 09:40 PM	#4
Imrahil1234 Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 124	I think dreams are too weird for anyone else to really understand, good job putting into words though. Im thinking dentist?, something along those lines. __________________ I know you'll come back someday On a bed of nails awake I'm praying that you don't burn out Or fade away You're falling back to me The star that I can't see I know you're out there Somewhere out there You're falling out of reach Defying gravity I know you're out there Somewhere out there -Our Lady Peace

12-11-2005, 10:44 PM	#6
Vennila X Vana Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 285	Mm, I like the language and the subtle images and I think it's quite nice, but no one is going to "get it" per se, and if you ask me, that's not really a bad thing. Great Job, I don't compliment that often. __________________ Sugar, Your Bunny [It's the cure to getting older]

12-11-2005, 05:11 PM	#5
Unwilling TeenLit Regular Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 67	well, this is a poem, not a riddle. It's fine it no one "gets it". That means that I'll have to re-do this one some time. Which was what I was doing anyway.

05-02-2006, 08:55 AM	#7
girlonfire TeenLit Regular Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 72	oh....let me help you with that ( u sed u needed a phsycologist thingy to work it out) its kinda bait...you wanna good snog soon and fast with sum 1 who isnt doing it for a secret bet __________________ I'm like an atom, So small you can not see me, Insignificant? Try and split me, And i'm not so little anymore...

01-07-2006, 10:41 PM	#8
daz3026 TeenLit Regular Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 44	Hey!!! well im new to TeenLit and this was the first thing i read .. i dont really understand ur poem/dream.. though im only 13 so yea.. but idk in my opinion dreams..are sumtimes really ahrd for other people to understand. but thats just me. i bet some other ppl got ur poem.!!!! alrite well byez! __________________ •\|--Daz--\|•

01-07-2006, 10:44 PM	#9
Unwilling TeenLit Regular Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 67	Well, welcome to TeenLit. However, as something that tries to emanulate a poem; it fails. I'd have to consult an expert surrealist or psychologist to get the dream right.

01-08-2006, 04:05 PM	#10
daz3026 TeenLit Regular Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 44	Good point... dreams are hard to get just right.. but also... i think only the person who has the dream can really find the meaning. __________________ •\|--Daz--\|•

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