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|05-03-2006, 02:04 PM
Make Him Hers---> opinions?
He told her he liked her
He told her he loved her
He told her he hated her
He told her he hated loving her
But she already knew the truth...
She blew him kisses
She told him she knew what he misses
She knew what he desired
She knew what set him on fire
She knew what he wanted...
He pushed her away
He tore and threw the pictures away
He tried to throw the memories away
He dated other girls to get away
But in the end, only she knew what he wanted...
She tempted him to no end
She made him beg again and again
She knew how to make him moan baby
She loved driving him crazy
She knew how to make him hers...
I stared death in the eye, said the note from yesterday
And as I sat and wondered,
The boy with the green eyes winked at me
|05-05-2006, 01:46 PM
lol, i can just imagine this in my head. kind of reminds me of this one song...'just the girl' by click five i think it was...but i like the poem, it's funny....although it's probably not meant to be...or maybe it is? lol
Birds of a feather flock together,
And so will pigs and swine;
Rats and mice can have their choice
And so will I have mine.
|05-05-2006, 05:40 PM
Maybe its funny to imagine this girl. Hm?
Anyway, this would make a good song. You could all kinds of things with it, bending the words to whatever kind of music you felt like playing that moment...most of it you could make work.
As a poem, though -- just as a poem -- my main suggestion is steer away from repetiton. It's a tricky thing to do; sometimes repeptition is nice, or necessary, but too much can detract from your poem. Variety in your writing is good. Since there's a lot going on with this story, about these two, your poem should end up saying a lot. And to keep it from being wordy, too long, etc. you could try to make every word carry weight, and count for a lot.
Please click above and help me make a living! Come chat about music at InTune. You want to. You know you do.
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