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 05-03-2006, 02:04 PM
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#1 |
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TeenLit Newbie
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 21
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 Make Him Hers---> opinions?
He told her he liked her
He told her he loved her He told her he hated her He told her he hated loving her But she already knew the truth... She blew him kisses She told him she knew what he misses She knew what he desired She knew what set him on fire She knew what he wanted... He pushed her away He tore and threw the pictures away He tried to throw the memories away He dated other girls to get away But in the end, only she knew what he wanted... She tempted him to no end She made him beg again and again She knew how to make him moan baby She loved driving him crazy She knew how to make him hers...
__________________
 Stella Zara 
I stared death in the eye, said the note from yesterday
And as I sat and wondered,
The boy with the green eyes winked at me
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05-05-2006, 01:46 PM
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#2 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 214
 
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lol, i can just imagine this in my head. kind of reminds me of this one song...'just the girl' by click five i think it was...but i like the poem, it's funny....although it's probably not meant to be...or maybe it is? lol
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Birds of a feather flock together, And so will pigs and swine; Rats and mice can have their choice And so will I have mine. |
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05-05-2006, 05:40 PM
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#3 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 276
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Maybe its funny to imagine this girl. Hm?
Anyway, this would make a good song. You could all kinds of things with it, bending the words to whatever kind of music you felt like playing that moment...most of it you could make work. As a poem, though -- just as a poem -- my main suggestion is steer away from repetiton. It's a tricky thing to do; sometimes repeptition is nice, or necessary, but too much can detract from your poem. Variety in your writing is good. Since there's a lot going on with this story, about these two, your poem should end up saying a lot. And to keep it from being wordy, too long, etc. you could try to make every word carry weight, and count for a lot.
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