TeenLit Community Forums  

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Go Back   TeenLit Community Forums > Writing > Short Stories For Review
User Name
Password
Register FAQ Guidelines Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 04-03-2006, 04:31 PM   #1
girlonfire
TeenLit Regular
 
girlonfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 72
Talking I am Human: 1

She shivers. Its freezing...late November and the sun sets at four now...silk ponchos just don't cut it in bitterness like this one. Despite the cold...and in dirret chances of getting phnemonia or hyperthermia...she was lulled by the movement of the river, drifting down stream, she could hear it churning up at the damn and she felt peace. The warmth of the knowlege that it was Friday would keep her toasty...she could be free, be her self. Relax.
Something hot and sticky trickled down her upper lip, and dribbled down her chin.
"****..." Nose bleed. Loua was prone to nose bleeds, hot and cold flushes, fainting...the doctors said it was blood pressure. Loua laughs to her self as she slides out of 'u' in the trees branch. She had to get home...back to fussy mothers who'll complain about her casual dress at this time of year and ask he to do the washing up or tidy her room. There was always something to do, from helping with her little brother's home work to her own, to chores, to prayers, to little helpful things...if he wasn't at home...she couldn't be asked to do those things. So she resented having to get up now, having to leave and return to reality.

"Hi mum..." She mumbled and begins make her way up stairs to the bathroom.
"Hi honey...after you've clogged your self up can you help Danny with his math? And you need to do your homework too...oh....your pills, take them before your blood pressure gets too high."
"I don't need the pills mum..." She replies, her voice droning with a mixture of annoyance and sarcasm.
"Yes. You do. Dc. Fredrick prescribed them for you, you need them."
"You're all fools." Loua murmers under her breath in such a way it sounds demonic.
"Excuse me?"
"I said," Loua says more strongly, "that you are all fools....deaf too, apparently."
"Get your butt down here and say that to my face and see it i don't slap you!"
"Thing is i don't wan to mum. You can go stuff your self for all i care."
"How DARE you!"
"I dared."
A smile twitches at the corner of Loua's mouth. She felt powerful, in controll, she pretty much looked stoned. She wasn't.
"It's not a medical condition mum...those pills don't do anything. You can't stop it...it's totally and completly humam. And you are less than that, you all are. You know i? I am completly human...so human i'm alien...by the way mum...there'sa storm coming...you might want to bar the windows. I have a feeling it's coming for you...."

What you think? It's just the prologue, but still? Any coments? Thanks anyway
girlonfire is offline   Reply With Quote
 


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:07 AM.


Powered by vBulletin Version 3.5.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

EMS Chat
EMS News