Shatters in a Lie

[syd_barrett]

The sounds of sleep on the road
Flow like currents in the sea
Wives watch down in cruelty
Seeing their husbands live in jealosy
In the road the semiratin walks down
Hoping to watch the carnival of doom
Although he knows it closes at six
He walks the good walk ino the night
The years that burn up a candlestick
Shine on through the light
For the gods have now played their tricks
Let us all lead on

Answers flutter through desires
As pilgrims watch them bombs set on fire
The hard rain coming down over the soldiers
Makes me wonder where the human race is at
Lines fall down upon the righteous ones
Let them be known and let them be right
The unknown are the ones who run to the alleys
For the men who wake their women always say,
"We've got to get out of this place
For we've lost lifes race"
Hallways and alleycats watch the junkies get more
For when the next morning comes they'll soon realize
That their whole life was all-just lies
That their body is already somewhat deceased
Watching those who want to be saved
But all of us just let them sink like the ones in the beginning
Senators stand upon the wall of protection
Hiding behind a desk and papers while men die at such young ages

As I watch the protests of the youth of our generation
As I watch the guns shoot the innocence of our souls
As I watch the government blame everything on the enemy
As I watch the war on the blank television screen
As I watch the men stare into the dead ocean blue
As I watch the alleycats kill off their own life
As I watch the others who come back from wars kill themselves

All I can think about are the babies
For they are the ones who are going to grow up
Trying to find themselves
In this mess of a world
For the life that we have created
Has now ended
With the ones with money killing off the peasants
Letting the government bomb whoever they want
Watching the sky turn red makes me ache inside
Theres nothing left to do cause I've already cried
Whats left to do when my soul already has died?
Whats left to do when everyone has lied?

Surly there must have been the ones from the front line
Converting everything they had
Selling the things they owned and wishing for new hope
Yonder where they'll soon meet inside an alley
They'll never see each other again
For the war of his mind is soon to get them
Run through out the grounds of the field
Watch the children laugh their innocence away
Let the work that you use to do come back to haunt you
Fly throughout out the wintering fields
Make sure that no one is wondering

Connecting line with line on the wall
Watching outside my window
The fight of fights is sure to happen
For soon the native man is going to throw his hand
Riots break out on the other side of town
The princess I use to know
Moan in a relative way
The sounds of ambulances
Make the sounds of horror and scared
The love I use to feel
Is nothing compared to the woman
That is inside the house maids
Sins are nothing but children scared of evil
For they are running away from the evil
The plans of the guardians
Help the darlings young ones
For when they see the wolves
They'll learn how to stand forth against it
The white hammer of murder helps the ones
Who don't care about the protection of others

The poet who dreamed of a myth in the life
Died in the alley with no one to care for him
The sudden ones try to guide the light for the next philosophers
Hidden words die inside the ones mouth when they realize
That they can't even see the others eyes
Lunge forth a new day for yesterday was all a memory
For tomorrow is yet to come and yet to become
A race to death

Shallowness which fills the young childless minds
Laughter spinning across an ocean which might turn mad
Fading the colors which we have survived within
The insanity which I felt toward the emptiness of the room
Guidness youth shallow above the sea of green
Wired dreams and daisies all around
The smiles in the darkness which we will soon be able to see
Rabbits dig the holes for the new life
They’re running to the next shed of light
Wondering through the gardens
They know that it’s only time
That they have to go
To the next hole

Stars flutter across a dark blackness
Planets a line through out the sky
What is this to become?
Plotting thoughts guide us through a lie
What do we really desire?
Is it all coming through?
The weeks we use to try to see ourselves
Has now vanished through the air
For now I have seen myself
The blacks and whites look around
Figuring out what the years have done to their relationship
Views through a window
Makes us see all the visible emotions
The time has come
For you to show us yours

As we walk on down the street
We watch those hunger for the pain
That we have caused them
For let us now forgive the others
Even though some of us are now to forgive
The light for taking our loved ones

The shame that we put on our family
Is nothing like the game we play in life
You have to just keep rolling through the mysteries of choices
The cries we hear are nothing but voices in the ear
We all need to go back to our heads
And try to figure out who is who
The framing of a gallery makes a person bleed from head to toe
Let the circle of life keep making its wheel
The verbal war has now affected those
Who want to grow up in a world
Where no one is to blame

Flying guiness of insanity
The warnings from the ruins
We wish that the strange faces
Would just drane away the whole world
Holding the soft lies in a hand
Let us laugh madley in mirror
For the strange laughs that once killed a smile
The enlightened ones know we are going down
For we are some what all the same
Let us fritter life away
In a relative way

Waiting for sun in a place
Where the lively hood of others
Live in morn and try to be deeply
In confidence with each other
What is next?
Life’s mystery sure gets us down
Through its depressed lands
Let the other men who I've killed
Let the souls be wandering in a timely
Wintering and let them wait
For the next train
To the sun ride to the afterlife
Let the next Gods look down upon them and laugh
Let them take their souls and conscience and torture
The pain that is deep within them

Shattered words inside the young ones eyes
Lies inside the diamonds which no one will ever care for
Laughter at the hunger around the cave of death
Watching people walk by as if today could be their last breath
The whispers around are nothing but the sounds of the clown crying
Ruins druids cry away through the death scene of a child
And as we die and laugh and watch those wounded in hatred
We have to remember that this is life and nothing can stop it
For all we can do is ignore it and pretend it ain’t there
We also can run into the forests of Eden where everything is right
The thin man just smiles as you sigh with dis-regret

Horses ride the great ride into the night
As we watch the moon fade into dimness
The whiteness that has now been given to us
Is now about to get shoved into the fire of betrayal
Running through a mystic rain that shows the past
That helps with the future and tells you that you better leave
For life is filled with many surprises
Let us now guide our way through the shower
For the stars we can not see in this black night
The couple look up and start to make love
The insanity that helped with many of our problems
Have now been vanished
The martyrs smile with romance and start to dance in happiness
For they now know that they have not committed a sin
Watching those geniuses fritter with their such inventions
The others just decide to gun down the innocence of the colored men
The sexless men feel cornered and nervous

Such men love to kill the weaker with words and emotions
The pasture preaches the words of god
As the other children question his spoken tongue
Streets all in a flutter as Neptune watches the Titanic sink
Peasants and wealthy children have now died together on this boat
For the first time we have witnessed a sacred immaculately scene
Of rich and poor dying in the same ocean together

[syd_barrett]

Why isn't no one answering to my poem????

[Ameerah8]

because it's sooooooooo long!!!! lol. kind of a bit to religious for my taste but it's ok. the ending stanza is my favorite part "Such men love to kill the weaker with words and emotions
The pasture preaches the words of god
As the other children question his spoken tongue
Streets all in a flutter as Neptune watches the Titanic sink
Peasants and wealthy children have now died together on this boat
For the first time we have witnessed a sacred immaculately scene
Of rich and poor dying in the same ocean together"

[Vennila X Vana]

Wow, punctuation much? Try it out, every line does not have to be capital, you can use grammar correctly and it will only enhance a poem, if you use it incorrectly or not at all make sure it's adding a lot more than what it is taking away.

This poem has no rhythm, try breaking down lines differently or using internal rhyme, mix up your word choice and see what happens.

I do like the images you have built in this poem but a lot of it doesn't make sense and they don't flow together really to make a story.

It seems like you put a lot of effort into making this long, it stretches forever but it's not building sold bridges to walk along the way, you know?

I think you put a lot of effort into writing this, as you should, but the reader shouldn't have to expend that or more than trying to read it and trying to make clear images from it. This poem is pretty well written and has good points, I am not trying to say it's all bad, I just think that it could use a lot of work.

Try again? No one gets it right all the time.

[~swissmochafudge~]

I personally found it really hard to read. Maybe because I have an attention spane of about zero seconds or maybe because you could probably try to get the words to flow together better making it easier on the eyes. I had to concentrate to get the message and well, simply read it but I could tell that you put a heck of a lot of effort into it and taht should definetly be applauded!

[thisismenotyou]

that was loooooooooooooooooooong!! i have like no attetion span so it was a little long for so to be truthful i really only skimmed it. but maybe if u could just cut it down some. find the verses that get to the point of waht you are trying to say and keep those. you write well but maybe if could just find a way to get to the point faster.