1984 (+ 21)

[thisismenotyou]

1984 (+ 21)

Big brother is no longer watching
There’s no need to
We have become listlessly obsessed with ignorance
And fall behind in line
And march
To the beat of clicking TV channels and cheap hotel lights
Sex is our new media medium
We can relate effortlessly to the lust and “love”
Seeping into our minds and skin
Through the waves of our satellite
Radios and televisions

idk.... what do u think about this one?

[~swissmochafudge~]

Darn, its too short! I was expecting it to go on longer then that, and would have enjoyed reading more of it. I like it.

(By the way, if you critique some poetry not posted by yourself you might get some more feedback.)

[Ameerah8]

Originally Posted by thisismenotyou

1984 (+ 21)

We have become listlessly obsessed with ignorance
And fall behind in line
And march
To the beat of clicking TV channels and cheap hotel lights
Sex is our new media medium
We can relate effortlessly to the lust and “love”

this would have to be my favorite part. But you could post something on every thread here and that doesn't mean you'll get more crit on your poetry.

[Isis]

Well, it kinda does. If people know you they're more likely to click on the link/ take the time to read your stuff decently. [the board is kind of dead as of late]

I thought that though the message was good, that's all there is to this; its too literal to be very interesting. You just tell; nothing new is being shown and there's not much feeling being connected to this. Corporate advertising and ignorance is a big issue and it has been dealt with and written about many times before. So you're going to need to do something that's more original and vary what you have.

Attach some images to this. SHOW us the whores on tv and at the bus stop, give it character and make it relatable. Concrete details about a thing help us see it, and if they make sense [or, if they're 'differen't but you link them back] then they make a subject more interesting and thought provoking than if you had been broad and vague.