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 02-15-2006, 06:42 PM
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#1 |
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TeenLit Newbie
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 28
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 nightmare
Nightmare
By Levi LaFonte Drifting mindlessly in a dream Waking abruptly to a scream Wondering curiously who it could be Realizing suddenly it was me |
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02-16-2006, 08:14 PM
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#2 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 214
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AWESOME. lol, sweet and simple. no complex words but the poem is so crystal clear it's not even funny. I for one love it.
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Birds of a feather flock together, And so will pigs and swine; Rats and mice can have their choice And so will I have mine. |
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02-16-2006, 10:40 PM
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#3 |
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Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 425
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I like how this poem sounds when it is read out loud. It is very simple, which isn't bad (think Robert Frost's Fire and Ice). The last line "Realizing suddenly it was me" doesn't really follow the same "beat" if you know what I mean.
This does describe a nightmare fairly well. Good job. 
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Joseph Your Favorite Forum Community Leader  |
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02-17-2006, 02:12 PM
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#4 |
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TeenLit Newbie
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 21
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 Reply to Nightmare
Wow. that was unbelievably short, but it didnt need a reason to continue on, it was great on its own. good work!
__________________
 Stella Zara 
I stared death in the eye, said the note from yesterday
And as I sat and wondered,
The boy with the green eyes winked at me
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02-23-2006, 05:59 PM
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#5 | |
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TeenLit Newbie
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 15
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Quote:
Great poem! I really loved it - it was really simple and to the point, which can be a stronger statement than anything else. I agree with JEM for the last line, though. Saying it out loud, the other three lines seem to follow the trochee pattern, but the last line is just barely off. It's really good, though. Jules |
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