Within A Mile Of Home

Imrahil1234 · 05-24-2005, 09:01 PM

Within A Mile Of Home

Chapter 1
This is a story about my brother, Tom Fauria, and me Josh Fauria. He just turned 13 on November 30th, but on a cold, cloudy snowy afternoon after school on Friday December 2nd 2005, he was taken from me, my father, and everyone near him or our family.
My brother was in the 7th grade, I was in my senior year of high school at the time. We both went to the same school in a small suburban “new town” in Maine, Orrington Junior-Senior High School. We lived in little suburban house with my father, who was a widower, who worked hard to take care of both of us.
On Friday December 2nd my brother and I were leaving school at around 4:30. He had curly blond hair, inherited from my mother, unlike my longer straight dirty blond hair.Tom was wearing the Ichiro Suzuki jersey that afternoon I got him for his birthday along with my New England Revolution windbreaker I let him borrow that morning. He was quite a bit shorter than me, and had less muscle, so he was smaller and shorter, so the coat was way too big for him, but it looked sort of funny on him.
He was happy to be out of school for the weekend, even though he was a smart kid, and liked learning he didn’t like the people at our school ( I didn’t much like them either besides a few of them). When we got home me and him were going to order some pizza, and play Halo 2, (co-op, he didn’t like fighting other people). We got along well, he looked up to me and I looked out for him.
He wasn’t much into playing sports, he liked to watch soccer, especially me playing, I played keeper on our schools varsity team, and was the captain, along with playing in other city and state leagues. My coach, Mr.Casey, thought I had real potential. He was even kind enough to put my name in as a prospect to the MLS, so I was expected to try to enter the draft for the season after graduation, but I thought it would be a joke, and there was no way a 18 year old would get picked without college experience. My brother also was a big baseball fan, he liked the Red Sox the best, but his favorite player was Ichiro, and was thrilled when he saw the birthday present I got him. He was more of an intellectual sort of person. His favorite class was an introductonary biology class, and was always learning about knew things, and reading books from his favorite author Michael Crichton. He could practically do my homework for me, and was always there watching all my soccer games and practices, he was my biggest fan, and was a great kid, Tom was very kind to everyone, and was one of the nicest people I knew, despite his usually annoying age, he didn’t act like the rest of the people I knew in his grade. I would’ve done absolutely anything for him.
He had dreams for the future like any kid, maybe a little early and ambitious for a 13 year old, but I think he could of done them. He wanted to be a doctor when he was older, and go to The University of Maine were my father went. He was always thinking and wanting to be older, my father told him not to grow up to quickly, that being a kid was way better, he really wanted to get to high school, which I thought was funny, because I couldn’t stand it anymore, but he wanted the freedom of picking your own classes and being one of the older kids in school

Jake251 · 05-24-2005, 10:36 PM

Hey that is a GOOD story!=)

xXxTigerEyesxXx · 05-26-2005, 05:42 AM

Hmmmmmmmmmm.... its okay... needs work... I started to loose interest when you said: This story is about...

Personally, I feel like one of those mean, old teachers that assign children an assignment, and the kids don't wanna do it, then you fore them to and getting it written is like pulling teeth, and then when it's done... its like toast...

(LOL you gotta love the metaphores!!)

but yea, definately relax, put more detail in it, you can do it! I believe in you!

AND WHERE IS MY APPLE? I'll GIVE YOU A DETENTION IF YOU DON'T GET ME ONE ASAP!!!

lol just playing (jp)

xoxoxo

Missy

Imrahil1234 · 05-26-2005, 05:30 PM

thanks for the feedback, i dont care if its bad or not yet, its just a first draft of a first chapter of a first thing im writing, so any criticism is good. Its really just to introduce the characters anyway, not much story until chapter 2, then the real story starts around chapter 3.

05-24-2005, 09:01 PM	#1
Imrahil1234 Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 124	Within A Mile Of Home Within A Mile Of Home Chapter 1 This is a story about my brother, Tom Fauria, and me Josh Fauria. He just turned 13 on November 30th, but on a cold, cloudy snowy afternoon after school on Friday December 2nd 2005, he was taken from me, my father, and everyone near him or our family. My brother was in the 7th grade, I was in my senior year of high school at the time. We both went to the same school in a small suburban “new town” in Maine, Orrington Junior-Senior High School. We lived in little suburban house with my father, who was a widower, who worked hard to take care of both of us. On Friday December 2nd my brother and I were leaving school at around 4:30. He had curly blond hair, inherited from my mother, unlike my longer straight dirty blond hair.Tom was wearing the Ichiro Suzuki jersey that afternoon I got him for his birthday along with my New England Revolution windbreaker I let him borrow that morning. He was quite a bit shorter than me, and had less muscle, so he was smaller and shorter, so the coat was way too big for him, but it looked sort of funny on him. He was happy to be out of school for the weekend, even though he was a smart kid, and liked learning he didn’t like the people at our school ( I didn’t much like them either besides a few of them). When we got home me and him were going to order some pizza, and play Halo 2, (co-op, he didn’t like fighting other people). We got along well, he looked up to me and I looked out for him. He wasn’t much into playing sports, he liked to watch soccer, especially me playing, I played keeper on our schools varsity team, and was the captain, along with playing in other city and state leagues. My coach, Mr.Casey, thought I had real potential. He was even kind enough to put my name in as a prospect to the MLS, so I was expected to try to enter the draft for the season after graduation, but I thought it would be a joke, and there was no way a 18 year old would get picked without college experience. My brother also was a big baseball fan, he liked the Red Sox the best, but his favorite player was Ichiro, and was thrilled when he saw the birthday present I got him. He was more of an intellectual sort of person. His favorite class was an introductonary biology class, and was always learning about knew things, and reading books from his favorite author Michael Crichton. He could practically do my homework for me, and was always there watching all my soccer games and practices, he was my biggest fan, and was a great kid, Tom was very kind to everyone, and was one of the nicest people I knew, despite his usually annoying age, he didn’t act like the rest of the people I knew in his grade. I would’ve done absolutely anything for him. He had dreams for the future like any kid, maybe a little early and ambitious for a 13 year old, but I think he could of done them. He wanted to be a doctor when he was older, and go to The University of Maine were my father went. He was always thinking and wanting to be older, my father told him not to grow up to quickly, that being a kid was way better, he really wanted to get to high school, which I thought was funny, because I couldn’t stand it anymore, but he wanted the freedom of picking your own classes and being one of the older kids in school

05-24-2005, 10:36 PM	#2
Jake251 TeenLit Regular Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 82	Great Story! Hey that is a GOOD story!=) __________________ "On cable TV they have a weather channel -- 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window."

05-26-2005, 05:42 AM	#3
xXxTigerEyesxXx TeenLit Newbie Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 23	Hmmmmmm.... Hmmmmmmmmmm.... its okay... needs work... I started to loose interest when you said: This story is about... Personally, I feel like one of those mean, old teachers that assign children an assignment, and the kids don't wanna do it, then you fore them to and getting it written is like pulling teeth, and then when it's done... its like toast... (LOL you gotta love the metaphores!!) but yea, definately relax, put more detail in it, you can do it! I believe in you! AND WHERE IS MY APPLE? I'll GIVE YOU A DETENTION IF YOU DON'T GET ME ONE ASAP!!! lol just playing (jp) xoxoxo Missy __________________ ~~ ~~

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05-26-2005, 05:30 PM	#4
Imrahil1234 Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 124	thanks for the feedback, i dont care if its bad or not yet, its just a first draft of a first chapter of a first thing im writing, so any criticism is good. Its really just to introduce the characters anyway, not much story until chapter 2, then the real story starts around chapter 3.