![]() |
If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
![]() |
|
Thread Tools | Search this Thread | Display Modes |
|
![]() |
#1 |
Senior Member
|
![]()
I feel like a post hog, but...
the board is so dead. Criticism/thoughts would be <3'd ~~~~~~~~ Holding a thumb-square behind the light, I try to project my vital lines into focus through your eyes; the image falls flat, backwards into the black negative trying to trace out ideals. Most poets die without their work being known, cosumed with just being the something more to say.
__________________
http://www.intunemonthly.com/forums Please click above and help me make a living! Come chat about music at InTune. You want to. You know you do. Cheers! |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2 |
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 425
|
![]()
First off, don't worry about being a "post hog", the more posts the merrier.
Second off, the poem. The line first line is a little confusing. The "-" throws the reader, ok me, off. I thought you were making a compound word. The extended metaphor is clever (first stanza). The lines "cosumed with just being the something more to say." seems wordy. I hope this helps.
__________________
Joseph Your Favorite Forum Community Leader ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#3 | |
Senior Member
|
![]()
Ah, that's because thumb-square is a compound word. Sorry if that confused you: it was a combination of thumbnail [like a small picture of a larger image, used in artist's concept sketches] and a square film slide.
You're right about those last two lines....
Quote:
[hey, if more the merrier is the case, I've got more...]
__________________
http://www.intunemonthly.com/forums Please click above and help me make a living! Come chat about music at InTune. You want to. You know you do. Cheers! |
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#4 |
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 425
|
![]()
Oh, that's what you meant. I thought you were saying your thumb looked square. I thought that was weird.
Yes that is much less wordy and is easier to say.
__________________
Joseph Your Favorite Forum Community Leader ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|