TeenLit Community Forums  

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Go Back   TeenLit Community Forums > Writing > Poetry For Review
User Name
Password
Register FAQ Guidelines Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 01-24-2006, 08:41 PM   #1
Isis
Senior Member
 
Isis's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 276
Send a message via AIM to Isis
Default Unwilling.

Hey man, I stole your name.
Be offended by my pronoun usage.
Everyone else: does this work, or is it too literal/simplistic?


I know myself
by the name you call me,
the enveloping press
of your voice
into my hands.

Steady in their sleepy,
speckled path, I stand
easily on calloused feet
and lightly in
knowing, shoulders back
against your breeze.
Should it cease, I'll be left
with pictures of my place,
and no sense
of who I am within it.
__________________
http://www.intunemonthly.com/forums
Please click above and help me make a living! Come chat about music at InTune. You want to. You know you do.

Cheers!
Isis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-26-2006, 04:48 PM   #2
~swissmochafudge~
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 156
Default

Definatly not to literal or simplistic. If it was simple, it was beautiful. Good job!
~swissmochafudge~ is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:02 PM.


Powered by vBulletin Version 3.5.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

EMS Chat
EMS News