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Old 08-17-2005, 02:26 AM   #9
Hawley Smoot
TeenLit Newbie
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 5
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Awesome story. It’s very moving, and there are some great opportunities for symbolism there. There are some opportunities in this story for some really great writing that you didn’t take. Some things I might change:
Give more detail about Winter’s weirdness. Do they think she’s weird because she has a routine? Maybe some more details about her personal appearance, or her social interactions. What you have to that effect is good, but I’d flesh it out a bit more. Make the audience think she’s weird too, they’ll be more engaged that way.
I disagree with JEM, I love the line “I had never seen anything but beauty come from her house,” though I might find some way to emphasize that theme through the rest of the story. Also, Winter’s weirdness is a great opportunity to describe the small town setting, which would give a better sense of location for the story and set up the gossiping about the rose.
“She then gently took the flower as though the minute she touched it, it would shatter into millions of pieces.”
Great sentence……… shatter kind of like her without her routines to protect her, no?
Also, the interior of Winter’s house is an opportunity to create a wonderful atmospheric moment. What kind of house would Winter live in, and how would it reflect on her personality? Is her house a prison of sorts? Or is it her sanctuary from the world (and isn’t that sort of a prison too?). In dreams houses often represent the dreamer’s mind. Don’t be afraid to emphasize the symbolism!
Lotta potential here. Keep up the good work.
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