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Old 08-16-2005, 08:42 AM   #5
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I liked this; it started off well and got me interested.

The beginning introduction was a little stiff in your second paragraph; it feels sort of like an elegant info dump. Instead of saying she was eighty-eight, describe her first, maybe say that when people asked her about her routine, she says "you get set in your ways, after eighty-eight years of this earth" [or whatever she would say if inclined to talk in that situation] It's good, though, just in need of a second glance.

The scene where you go into Winter's house [at the door, first sitting down for tea] might need a little of the extra emotion that ran through the rest of the story. Other than that, very nice work.
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