Bulletboy-21st august 2006
Sunday-21st august 10:37
It’s almost been a year it feels longer yet strangely shorter. Hold on to those precious moments because before you know it s winter again and the long summer months have made way for the sleet and snow. Your barely in the sun before your sifting through the autumn leaves. My hearts made promises my body couldn’t keep and even now one year later im still feeling the strain.
Bulletboy-23rd august 2006
Tuesday-23rd august 23:23
Publishers rang again but im not sure I want to make a living of doing what im certain assisted in my loosing you.
Some people have a way with words sadly in not one of them. A writer can make anything sound interesting. Have you ever just taken a moment while your reading to notice that all that is creating this fantasy world in your head is row after row of printed words on plain paper, nothing special no unicorns or pixies just paper and ink. Anyone can get hold of but few can summon its true power, make the ink turn to gnarled trees in a goblins lair or just as easily crystal clear water in a princess’s lake.
If you’ve ever read the obituaries you will know that a lot of things can be said about a mans life in two sentences. But be careful don’t believe everything you read. “George smith loving son and brother a hard worker always at the office” could mean George smith ate microwave meals for one , watched late night films alone and all together had nothing much to go home for. You see the best quality in a writer is a good liar. You have to be able to lie through your teeth and still make the reader trust you. That was the first time I lost you to another man it hurt me that I was losing you to words. Words that stood the test of time and even once he was gone they still carried on. Words that had won a thousand hearts before yours and are sure to win a thousand more it made me blush as I thought of my feeble attempt at poetry:
This may only be a line in a song and I know im no curt cobain
Its only four cords and a chorus but I hope it won’t be in vain
I could be your Romeo if you’d only let me try
And you could be my Juliet but I won’t let you die
I don’t have much to offer just this simple song
And my love that I assure you is guaranteed life long
I’m just a broken heart from a broken home
Just a broken heart that’s scared to be alone
But I could be your Romeo if you’d only let me try
And you could be my Juliet but I won’t let you die
I wasn’t going to lose you to someone who made a living of lying. But how was I to know that Shakespeare was the least of my problems.
Bulletboy-25th august 2006
Thursday-25th august 16:59
Ive decide im going to go and see the publishers. I know only too well what happens when your too scared to take a chance.
Like every morning as you left I told you I would meet you after college even you’d begun to loose faith. I spent all week preparing for that moment but nothing could prepare me for what came next……..
……….as much as I thought I was immune to pain and as much as I thought no one could touch me I always seemed to come out hurting. When your invisible you take massive gambles with things you cant afford to lose just to see if you can still feel. You wouldn’t believe how much a sudden rush of pain makes you feel real.
I watched as you made the biggest mistake you would ever make. My eyes stung and my stomach knotted as you brushed hands with the person who single handily destroyed Dallas’s life. The only life changing trauma that hadn’t been my parent’s handy work so far. The person I hated more than I hated myself. Dominic ward. My brothers best friend, first love and dealer. He was tall dark and handsome but more importantly tall dark and bad news. Dallas had taken the fall for him more than once , he was from a rich family and they had high hopes for him. I never really liked him he was all toothy grins and handshakes that lingered a little too long and squeezed a little too tight. All I could do was watch helplessly as you fell for the same lines my brother had all those years ago and look where that landed him. He was smooth and confident words just fell from his mouth and most of the time it didn’t matter what he was saying as long as he was saying it to you. He was everything im not. He was adored I was unknown he was with you and I knew right there you were gone. It made me sick to see the hand that had delivered Dallas his final blow (in every sense of the word) pushing your hair out of your face.
I suddenly realised you weren’t so far away and you were waving in my direction by the time id re gathered my thoughts you were in front of me. After a hasty introduction you left dominc with me while you went to get your books. he leaned in so close I could feel his breath on my ear and he whispered “she’s mine Daniels and don’t even try and stop me “ his after shave was sickeningly sweet and made me feel slightly light headed “what is a fine piece of ass doing with a freak like you” he continued. I could see your sleek black hair over the crowd of heads and just as you reached us he leant in again ,closer this time, our lips almost touching “this weekend were gona do some… studying ……. I wonder if she’s as good as Dallas” and then he moved in letting our lips collide just for a second but it was long enough to leave a lingering taste of venom.
You see college is divided into two categories those who write teen angst and those who are written about. Dominic was most defiantly written about. By girls and guys alike he was a heart breaker a well known player and he had his sights set on you.