[JEM]

Yes, you are right lenght is not important. (look at Robert Frost's "Fire and Ice"). I don't notice a problem with the lenght of your poem.

I see your poem is pretty much not going in any direction. Is that what you are describing?

I don't like how your poem has so many verbs with no subjects. Of course this is okay in poetry, but I don't see what message you are trying to convey to the reader.