A Ruckus in Santa's Village (a comedic holiday story)
A Ruckus in Santa’s Village
Frosty strapped on his utility belt. He was packing heat. Today would be a crime fighting, drunkard brawlin’, cat fevered kind of day. Meow!!! Well maybe not as many cats as the author is predicting, but wouldn’t that be awesome? Frosty unfolded a map of Santa’s Village. Frosty and I had lived in Santa’s Village our whole life, and all this time Santa’s Village had been filled with villains and candy canes. Circling mistletoe lane, Frosty voiced his plan, “we gonna’ take out this still over on mistletoe. They’ve got themselves about four stills and piles of candy canes.”
“I hear those damn bootleggers are really causing a ruckus up there.”
Frosty smiled, “Well let’s go give ‘em the cold shoulder.” Frosty then proceeded to turn his shoulder on me; he succeeded in demonstrating how harsh of a crime fighting force his below freezing shoulder blade is.
We made our rounds that night. Those ‘leggers up at Mistletoe lane had already made their run for it before we got there. We just found some empty bottles and maps of the local county. Frosty predicted that they took the polar express out of town. I said it was a good hypothesis. The night was rather a dull adventure. You know nothing too exiting, there was a just a simple arrest or citation. Although looking back at that night, I remember a certain arrest that was ever-so frustrating. Well rather than going into a rant about how tedious it was I will just tell you what happened. Here follows the events that occurred on 0ctober 24th verbatim: (Now you the reader are probably posing a question or two about how our unidentified speaker is going to quote exactly what happened on that night. Well to answer such, there was a man standing in the bushes. This man’s imagination was feeding and forcing lines of dialogue into his characters mouths; he was creating epic scenes of toil, battle, and struggles for religious freedom. Actually he created none of those, but rather a lack-luster scene between an oversized snowman and an inebriated reindeer. Yes this man was none other than the author typing away a short story…)
“Sir, could I see your license and registration?” Frosty gave the man a stone cold stare.
“One second” was voiced through the closed window.
Muttered laughs escaped through the fogged window. The window unrolled and revealed an shocking image to both Frosty and I. The one driving the automotive was none other than Frosty’s counterpart; it was Rudolph. “Dammit” thought Frosty. “How can this be happening? My jolly peer driving intoxicated! It’s people like this that ruin Christmas by killing others in accidents!” Rudolph was destroying the Christmas spirit rather than rejuvenating it, like he did the last year.
“Well, It appears that your nose isn’t the only think red this year?”
“Huh, what are talking about officer?”
“It just seems that your cheeks are awfully rosey!”
“Get to the point! Why did you pull me over?”
“Well isn’t it apparent you hit that poor old woman!” Frosty then continued to point and Rudolph realized that he had run over and elder woman.
“Who is that woman?”
“It’s that poor man over their’s,” Frosty pointed, “the one with the acoustic guitar and distinct voice. It’s his grandmother!”
“You mean I ran over that poor man’s grandmother”
“Why yes you did, and now I’m going to have to take you into the station for it.” Frosty read Rudolph his rights and took him downtown. Because of his high stature in Santa’s Village, Rudolph was released on bond.
The town never really found out about what happened that night. But rather they are reminded of it every season because the story of Rudolph’s mishaps is told every year when that cheery old folksinger cries his ballad of the death of his poor aging grandmother.
Here the author is to interlude and offer some sort of moral after his anecdote. Well I don’t have one. Sorry