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Old 12-08-2005, 07:09 PM   #8
TeenLit Regular
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 38

I like it a lot. It had my attention already in the 1st paragraph. I have a couple of suggestions and ?'s which i hope could help.
“James, you just never change, do you? But anyway, you better sign in, or I’ll count you as being late for work.”
Whith this line i don't think you should use the words but anyway. It dosn't sound quite right whith the way he's talking.
Also (and i don't know if you will do this later in the story) you may want to describe the living area a little more. is the afterlife futuristic. or modern. what is the house like?
I think the characters though are very well developed and they make me laugh.

can't wait to hear more!

i love green!!!!
runnerkgirl is offline   Reply With Quote