Well, the poem is nice and all, but it seems that the imagery is kind of basic, and you sacraficed a lot just for the sake of rhyming. I don't mean to condescend, but you know it doesn't have to rhyme.
Quote:
| For though it may seem all there is, is strife. |
Quote:
| Then out came night to deeply bury the softly setting sun. |
Those are just two examples of the rhyming just forced. Just don't worry about the poem rhyming - it's trivial compared to the writing and the emotion in which you want to say
Still, pretty good.