Forum: Poetry For Review  10-31-2006, 05:58 PM |
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Replies: 0
Views: 48
 setting up camp
setting up camp
We invaded. We sent not armies,
felt no avalanche of headlines, no official sagging sheafs.
Instead we picked up our homes, looked underneath
couch cushions, porches, the car that...
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 10-31-2006, 05:57 PM |
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Replies: 4
Views: 118
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 10-09-2006, 10:10 PM |
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Replies: 8
Views: 145
I got a couple of things to say. One is about...
I got a couple of things to say. One is about your philosiphy, one is about your poem. Poem goes first.
As a poem, I'm relieved that this has some imagary, but it is imagary that's overused in poems...
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| Forum: The Writer's Lounge 09-17-2006, 05:26 PM |
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Replies: 16
Views: 568
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 09-16-2006, 11:14 PM |
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Replies: 0
Views: 72
a war-torn neighbor
He stands starting at my shelves,
shoulder blades puckered under white shirt
like they were wings, once.
"I never got there," he says, running a ricket-finger
over the oldest spines, carrying on a...
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 09-10-2006, 03:16 PM |
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Replies: 5
Views: 67
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 09-05-2006, 09:29 AM |
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Replies: 3
Views: 87
turntimetable
These older days, August
with the slightly acid combination
of the Bronte sisters, high noon,
and the tinkling of the ice-cream truck
on another street - never ours.
They'll come out blacked or...
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 09-05-2006, 09:28 AM |
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Replies: 1
Views: 52
a route out
These maps have closed me in.
At first they were crisscross, carved-name
window frames, outlining
the flat colors found beyond this room
( stacked with enough staccato black&white
to make even...
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 09-05-2006, 09:19 AM |
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Replies: 3
Views: 67
Putting a title that gives another dimension to...
Putting a title that gives another dimension to the poem is pretty fun. Your title tells kind of what this might be about, which works, but you can make the title more part of your poem [and less of...
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 09-05-2006, 09:10 AM |
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Replies: 8
Views: 125
The beginning got me impressed, and pulled into...
The beginning got me impressed, and pulled into this poem. I liked on the first reading, and the linebreaks are interesting; most of them work, some don't, but then again - when I get critiqued, I...
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 09-05-2006, 09:00 AM |
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Replies: 6
Views: 155
I know this is old, BUT! I l really love the...
I know this is old, BUT! I l really love the paper idea you had in the beginning, and I think that you could do another version of this poem where the whoooolle thing is this extended metaphor,...
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 09-05-2006, 08:57 AM |
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Replies: 6
Views: 103
It would be nice if you accompanied this raw...
It would be nice if you accompanied this raw storyline with some imagary or metaphor; at the moment its ok, gives a good impression of what's going, but kind of lacks poetic meat - I want something...
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 09-05-2006, 08:54 AM |
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Replies: 6
Views: 138
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 09-05-2006, 08:52 AM |
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Replies: 4
Views: 127
Short and sweet; I liked it, but you could...
Short and sweet; I liked it, but you could develop some of these ideas a little more. The title tells us a lot, so you can be pretty metaphorical throughout, and don't have to be literal
and I'm...
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| Forum: The Writer's Lounge 09-02-2006, 02:10 AM |
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Replies: 16
Views: 568
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| Forum: The TeenLit Lounge 08-14-2006, 10:47 AM |
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Replies: 10
Views: 160
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| Forum: The TeenLit Lounge 08-13-2006, 10:57 AM |
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Replies: 5
Views: 180
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 07-30-2006, 11:43 PM |
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Replies: 3
Views: 98
as the footsteps
It's always the marching
that gets me. Usually
I can shut my ears,
fill them with underwater,
the green muffled world of wildest dreams;
but when the steps resound, proud,
my traitor heart beats...
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 07-23-2006, 11:41 AM |
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Replies: 6
Views: 101
At the moment, this is kind of plain; it's...
At the moment, this is kind of plain; it's understandable and I like that you used the birthday to get across content and discontent, and the feeling that you only want something that is far from...
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 07-22-2006, 08:18 PM |
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Replies: 1
Views: 89
wilderness funhouse
If yesterday dreams like a feeling,
then we all become raven-haired.
In time's return, the this-that
of a century paid for a few more taken,
the graying of old leathered souls
gets pulled, strand by...
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 06-23-2006, 11:35 AM |
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Replies: 2
Views: 114
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 06-21-2006, 10:40 AM |
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Replies: 4
Views: 141
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 06-18-2006, 12:24 PM |
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Replies: 15
Views: 364
Poetry is personal, but it is also an art. Its...
Poetry is personal, but it is also an art. Its personal in that you can put some of yourself, or your ideas or your voice, into a work of art that will have meaning for others. It doesn't have to be...
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| Forum: The TeenLit Lounge 06-18-2006, 01:00 AM |
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Replies: 25
Views: 611
hahaha! I just finished that massive truck of...
hahaha! I just finished that massive truck of insanity known as those two AP courses together. Have you ever taken chemistry before? I hadn't. And I'd only had the first half of world history - about...
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| Forum: Poetry For Review 06-18-2006, 12:53 AM |
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Replies: 4
Views: 179
I like your poetry and I like parts of this....
I like your poetry and I like parts of this. Tough love indeed =] I know you won't be offended. I like that.
this is interesting though; could be a trick to rewrite, but I think you're easily...
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