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Search: Posts Made By: Sempron101
Forum: Poetry For Review 11-24-2005, 01:27 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 931
Posted By Sempron101
Zle Thanks for the...

Zle
Thanks for the critique, but honestly I didnít really understand it. I mean maybe you didnít really understand my meaning in the poem. Like, for start I am comparing...
Forum: Long Term Writing 10-21-2005, 07:04 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 230
Posted By Sempron101
I really need feedback!

The Burning House:)

The house sat up high on a hill.
The cat peered out from a window sill.
Playing with string in a ball.
Staring at the vastness of it all.
Everything was clean and white.
The...
Forum: The Writer's Lounge 10-21-2005, 03:41 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 779
Posted By Sempron101
I think the reason i don't try to exclude myself...

I think the reason i don't try to exclude myself from the characters in my writing is because thats why i write. I write because i only get to live my life once and in only one way so i think when i...
Forum: The Writer's Lounge 10-20-2005, 01:29 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 779
Posted By Sempron101
I think when I'm writing I'm usually writing...

I think when I'm writing I'm usually writing about myself. I mean the characters in my stories and poems usually represent some part of me that I don't usually show, even if the character seems like...
Forum: Poetry For Review 10-20-2005, 12:38 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 931
Posted By Sempron101
The Shortest Day of the Year

I could Really use some help. I'm really not sure how to format this or where to put punctuation, anyway it's only a first draft.




Cold winter snapping at life
Snow slapping, beating your...
Forum: Poetry For Review 08-21-2005, 01:53 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 613
Posted By Sempron101
Vennila This is an awesome poem. Honestly at the...

Vennila
This is an awesome poem. Honestly at the moment I can't think of any criticism, but then again I'm not exactly conscious right now. Anyway I loved the flow of it. I'll reread it when I'm...
Forum: Poetry For Review 08-21-2005, 01:40 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 465
Posted By Sempron101
Thumbs up I really liked this poem, once I reread it. I...

I really liked this poem, once I reread it. I agree alot with what Vennila said. Some of it seemed disconnected and when I read through it the first time I was completely lost and I didn't think I...
Forum: Poetry For Review 08-21-2005, 01:19 AM
Replies: 14
Views: 1,171
Posted By Sempron101
vennila Do you think the title of the poem...

vennila

Do you think the title of the poem discouraged you from reading it? Do you think I should change it?
Forum: Poetry For Review 08-20-2005, 12:02 AM
Replies: 14
Views: 1,171
Posted By Sempron101
Vennila x vana I see your point about the...

Vennila x vana

I see your point about the punctuation and how it causes the poem to seem disconnected. It is something I'll work on.

"The moon’s faint glow, is the only light,
I can see...
Forum: Poetry For Review 08-17-2005, 12:44 PM
Replies: 14
Views: 1,171
Posted By Sempron101
Jem, I see what you mean about having a rhyme...

Jem, I see what you mean about having a rhyme scheme. And I'm definetly going to work on that.
Thanks
Forum: Poetry For Review 08-17-2005, 12:40 PM
Replies: 14
Views: 1,171
Posted By Sempron101
Isis, Thanks for the feedback. I guess it's not...

Isis,
Thanks for the feedback. I guess it's not really clear in the poem, but the lady in black is really supposed to represent unhappiness. And to me (not supposed to be understood through the...
Forum: Short Stories For Review 08-17-2005, 12:33 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 889
Posted By Sempron101
Hawley I found your advice really helpful. I...

Hawley
I found your advice really helpful. I honestly never really seriously considered describing the inside of winter's house. I guess I thought it would be boring, and I didn't realize what a...
Forum: Short Stories For Review 08-17-2005, 12:32 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 889
Posted By Sempron101
Red face Vennilla, Thanks for the help. I can understand...

Vennilla,

Thanks for the help.
I can understand what you mean by it sounding immature. Maybe a larger variety of larger words will help that. I will definetly work on that part.
Forum: Poetry For Review 08-17-2005, 02:59 AM
Replies: 14
Views: 1,171
Posted By Sempron101
Lady in Black (a poem needing HELP)

:eek:
Lady in black, I hear your cry.
It comes from up above in the sky.
Never by day but only by night,
Do you take your miserable, starless flight.
The moonís faint glow, is the only light,
I can...
Forum: Poetry For Review 08-17-2005, 02:57 AM
Replies: 13
Views: 621
Posted By Sempron101
Red face graguigleadhair I did like this poem, though I...

graguigleadhair

I did like this poem, though I was a little confused. I didn't understand the amnesia part. I liked the 3rd and 4th stanza. I think you might want to hint a little more at the...
Forum: Short Stories For Review 08-17-2005, 01:55 AM
Replies: 11
Views: 480
Posted By Sempron101
Vennila x vana I thought this was an intresting...

Vennila x vana

I thought this was an intresting story.

What I liked was how it felt like a small piece of someone's life that I was just getting a glance at. The only thing I didn't like about it...
Forum: Short Stories For Review 08-17-2005, 01:17 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 318
Posted By Sempron101
Isis I thought this was a really great story. I...

Isis
I thought this was a really great story. I really, really like the imagery. And I thought the descriptions of the city were very vivid. I could really picture it, for example -

"...everything...
Forum: Short Stories For Review 08-16-2005, 02:17 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 889
Posted By Sempron101
Isis I definetly see what you mean about the info...

Isis
I definetly see what you mean about the info dump. I'm not good at including info in my story without making a dump of it. I will definetly try your Idea.
Thanks
Forum: Short Stories For Review 08-15-2005, 11:30 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 889
Posted By Sempron101
Jem thank you so much for the feedback. I wasn't...

Jem
thank you so much for the feedback. I wasn't sure whether this story was worth working on or not. I'm definitely going to use your suggestions.
Forum: Short Stories For Review 08-15-2005, 11:19 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 889
Posted By Sempron101
Roses for Winter ( a short story needing feedback)

Winter Montgomery had always seemed odd. Some people say she was insane. But in all the ten or so years I lived next door to her, I had never seen anything but beauty come from her house. Each day...
Forum: The TeenLit Lounge 08-15-2005, 11:07 PM
Replies: 72
Views: 4,493
Posted By Sempron101
Hi I just joined and I thought this would be a...

Hi
I just joined and I thought this would be a good place to start posting.
I'm 15 and I like reading and writing (which is why I am here)
Showing results 1 to 21 of 21

 
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