TeenLit Community Forums - Dedicated to swissmochafudge

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- - Dedicated to swissmochafudge (https://teenlit.com/forums/showthread.php?t=594)

Dedicated to swissmochafudge

Hating you has never been so easy,
And loving the torment of your words makes hell delicious,
I'm voluptuous,
Like my body,
Heavy set with soft curves,
And a hidden kind of beauty,
That you,
Can not see,
Like my words,
Origionally the opposite of what you expect to see,
See i'm spewing here,
All these words i'm fishing out my brain,
Water clogged with irritation...
I'm suprised,
Water isn't gushing from my ears,
I'm contagious,
Don't be so resilient,
Chill,
Notice how natural i am?
Because if not i'dd say you were pretty corrupted,
My words are evocative,
No pretending,
Un like you,
You,
Fake as your words,
And empty as a barbie's head,
Pretty an blonde,
With cheap commercials,
Its your game,
Its you,
What are you afraid of?
No need for cheap immatations,
Are you afraid to be wrong once in a while?
Come on,
I challenge you...
I'm new here,
And i'm a revolution,
Try and stop me.

i like the poem, the dedication should/could be changed;but it's up to you. I think a title pulls in the reader. this poem hasn't got one. the poem itself is wonderful. I like the fact that i can relate to the words. my homeroom teacher came to mind as i read this.

yeah my evil english teacher came to mind when i read this, i like the first and last two lines

Quote:

Hating you has never been so easy,

Cool. I feel powerful.

Quote:

And loving the torment of your words makes hell delicious,

Erm, I'm so...glad for you.

Quote:

I'm voluptuous,
Like my body,
Heavy set with soft curves,
And a hidden kind of beauty,
That you,
Can not see.

Exactly. Make me see it. I can see the patches of you passion for writing waiting to come out, and I can see the raw intensity that you write with. That comes out in your poems, but what I want to see is not the scratches where the pen guages the paper, but how you can put those scratches to words with..with...you NEED to describe your feeling more...oh man...how can I say this...dammit...

Quote:

Like my words,
Origionally the opposite of what you expect to see,
See i'm spewing here,
All these words i'm fishing out my brain,
Water clogged with irritation...

I'm sorry for irratating you.

Quote:

I'm suprised,
Water isn't gushing from my ears,
I'm contagious,
Don't be so resilient,
Chill,
Notice how natural i am?

How natural you are?! Yeah...like a tiger praying on her kill.

Quote:

Because if not i'dd say you were pretty corrupted,
My words are evocative,
No pretending,
Un like you,
You,
Fake as your words,
And empty as a barbie's head,
Pretty an blonde,
With cheap commercials,

Stop blaming me for speaking the truth. Start thinking outside of the box and being so selfish and hypocritical. My words are not fucking fake.

Quote:

Its your game,
Its you,
What are you afraid of?
No need for cheap immatations,
Are you afraid to be wrong once in a while?

Definitely not. I've been wrong a lot and admitted it freely. Its hard too..but I did. What about you?? You can't be wrong, can you?

Quote:

Come on,
I challenge you...
I'm new here,
And i'm a revolution,
Try and stop me.

Stop you?!?! You haven't started, baby girl, you are like a wheel spinning in a rut wanting to be free but just digging a bigger hole for yourself. Get out of the hole and then start your "revolution."

xo