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-   -   Tears of smiles (AGAINST CHILD ABUSE!) (https://teenlit.com/forums/showthread.php?t=549)

girlonfire 04-09-2006 02:07 PM

Tears of smiles (AGAINST CHILD ABUSE!)
Nothing to be proud of,
If you think that it's cool,
If you didn't want to have them,
You should have taken care,
If you wanted them,
Don't fcuk em in the ass,
It's not cool,
And i can't get my head around it,
There's no reason,
None at all,
And i battle with my self,
And cry for people i don't know,
Seems so sad to me,
Oh jesus you're so sick,
Maybe you'll get away with it,
For a while,
I'm just a bud on a blossom tree,
Watch when i bloom,
Gonna blow you down,
They've reserve a special place for you...
They have....
In hell

Whether or not you like this poem....it was just a quicky and an excuse to get this in, just about my self, about my writing...everyone seems to leave little tags before or after their poem and i haven't to i have here:

I write for several reason...
I have this idea that one day i'll be this amazing author and i'll have my own web sites and i'll tour the world or...(this even makes me laugh,) i can recall sitting at a table, wasting pages practicing autographs, sectioning them into a kid pile, adults, girls and boys it's so lame....somehow it makes it so much more believable. I can remember my disappointment as nothing comes up when i type my name into google....i have big plans for my self, i love writing, i do it for fun and as an escape, if i feel bad, i can pretend to be someone else you see? I told mum ages ago the other thing i wanted to do is be a councellor or phsychiatrist (scuse spelling) mum told me flat out no. Just no. she said if i wanted to help those kids being abused day in day out write a book. Give them an escape.

My motivation.

~swissmochafudge~ 04-11-2006 09:18 AM

Good motivation. Keep at it. But the poem was a little iffy this time, first off you need to watch your spelling and punctuation. Read some other published poems in an anthology or something and stufy the formats they take, and how published poets use punctuation and stuff.

Also...everything has been done before. And its your job if you want to write about something that you make it your own and unique. No one wants to read something that they've already seen and because you really want to make a name for yourself...you've GOT to get original. Thats how you stand out and get noticed. Keep it up.

girlonfire 04-11-2006 03:38 PM

i know all that, and as far as originality goes...i don't know, i refuse to do the work i'm supposed to do...kind of, i'll do it my way, yeah i know, i'm abnoxious and arrogant in that way, but f that, i get the same end, but better. I steer clear of ordinary stuff. I work with my dreams...how much more original can you get? No two dreams are the same.

~swissmochafudge~ 04-13-2006 05:01 PM


i get the same end, but better.

Yep, its probably better then if your teacher made you write this is some strict format or something and this is a good write in the sense that you are getting the message across, but to make it truly poetry it needs a heck of a lot of work. Use unique words. Try creating your own metaphores....just let the words flow, but don't let it get to everyday, which is what I'm getting from the above poem.


I work with my dreams...how much more original can you get? No two dreams are the same.

So you have a dream and then write about it? Cool. Try to capture some of the feelings as well as the wording.

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